Gantumoote (The baggage)

Spoiler: Watch this movie ONLY if you appreciate the rendition of love in it's most subtle ways.

The movie is about a teenage girl expressing her emptiness and fullness together and concurrently after  her young lover ends his life. 

The movie takes you back to the school and gives you a high degree of nostalgia. Every scene is perfectly knit to fit the 90's time zone. What is different from the main stream kannada cinema and this is that the protagonist is a young girl who is not scared to have a mind of her own. 

The movie talks about the teenage love, pressure of exams, mental and physical abuses that will cause long lasting ill effects, high school bullying, heart break, life long emptiness due to death of a loved one and so forth.

The acting by Teju Belavadi and Nischit Karodi is best in class. The scenes are just perfect with no scope to improve - especially the one where Meera comes to confront the death of Madhu when she touches the body of her dead lover. You really swallow a lump of pain when she turns back and heads home. The subtle movements and acting by both in the lead couple expound the fine drawn presentation of love. That factor is also the one that keeps you glued. 

Here is a bit of Meera's(protagonist) mind chatter which gives you the taste of the sensibilities she harness. 

ಆಗ್ಲೇ ಗೊತ್ತಾಗಿದ್ದು ನಮ್ಮ ಭಾವನೆಗಲ್ ಮಾತ್ರ ನಮ್ ಅನುಭವಕ್ಕೆ ಬರುತ್ತೆ; ಅದಷ್ಟೇ ನಿಜ ನಮಗೆ. ಬೇರೆಯವರ ಭಾವನೆಗಳು, ಯೋಚನೆಗಳು ಅರ್ಥ ಮಾಡ್ಕೊಬಹುದೇ ಹೊರತು ಅನುಭವಿಸಕ್ಕೆ ಆಗಲ್ಲ. ಅವನು ನನ್ನ ಪ್ರೀತಿಸ್ತೀನಿ ಅಂದ. ಅವನ್ ಪ್ರಕಾರ ಪ್ರೀತಿ ಅಂದ್ರೆ ಇಷ್ಟೇ ಇರ್ಬೇಕು. 

ಭಗವದವತಾರಗಳು

The most empowering thing I read today are 7th and 8th verse of chapter 4 of Bhagavat geeta. The lines are as below 

ಯದಾ ಯದಾ ಹಿ ಧರ್ಮಸ್ಯ ಗ್ಲಾನಿರ್ಭವತಿ ಭಾರತ ।

ಅಭ್ಯುತ್ಥಾನಮಧರ್ಮಸ್ಯ ತದಾತ್ಮಾನಂ ಸೃಜಾಮ್ಯಹಮ್ 

ಪರಿತ್ರಾಣಾಯ ಸಾಧೂನಾಂ ವಿನಾಶಾಯ ಚ ದುಷ್ಕ್ರತಾಮ್ ।

ಧರ್ಮಸಂಸ್ಥಾಪನಾರ್ಥಾಯ ಸಂಭವಾಮಿ ಯುಗೇ ಯುಗೇ 

Context: 

ಭಗವದವತಾರಗಳು :

ಅರ್ಜುನ, ನೀನು  ನಾನು ಇಂದಿನವರಲ್ಲ ; ಮೊದಲಿನಿಂದಲೂ ಇರುವವರೇ. ನಿನಗೂ ನನಗು ವ್ಯತ್ಯಾಸ ಎರಡು ಸಂಗತಿಗಳ್ಲಲಿ ; ಮೊದಲೆನೆಯದಾಗಿ ನಿನ್ನ ಪೂರ್ವಜನ್ಮಗಳನ್ನು ನಿನಗೆ ಮರೆತುಹೋಗಿವೆ ; ನನ್ನ ಪೂರ್ವಜನ್ಮಗಳ ವೃತ್ತಾ oತ ನನಗೆ ಜ್ಞಾಪಕದಲ್ಲಿದೆ. ಎರಡನೆಯದಾಗಿ ನಿನ್ನ ಪೂರ್ವಜನ್ಮಗಳು ನಿನ್ನ ಪುಣ್ಯಪಾಪಗಳ ಕಾರಣದಿಂದ ಆದವು ; ನನ್ನ ಅವತಾರಗಳು ಧರ್ಮಸಂರಕ್ಷಣೆಗಾಗಿ ಆದವು . ಸಜ್ಜನರನು ಕಾಪಾಡುವುದಕ್ಕೆ, ದುಷ್ಟರನ್ನು ಸಂಹಾರಮಾಡುವುದಕ್ಕೆ, ಧರ್ಮ ಸಂಸ್ಥಾಪನೆಗಾಗಿ ಸೃಷ್ಟಿಯ ಮೊದಲಿಂದ ಯುಗಯುಗಗಳಲ್ಲೂ ನಾನು ಅವತಾರ ಮಾಡುತ್ತಲೇ ಇದ್ದೇನೆ.  

README.txt for Bhagavat Geeta

When you download software/applications from Git(open source code repositories), there usually be a readme.txt file that says how to install and use the software. Its essentially the user guide of the software. I was wondering if there is a README.txt for Bhagavat Geeta - how would that be. In my opinion, this is what it can be.

1. It is not you choosing to read this book. The book chooses you - to be read. Lord Krishna chooses you to enlighten. (Thus far in life, I was surrounded with hundreds of Bhagavat Geetas at home but I only took interest in reading it 4 months ago. To hold this book even is a privilege)

2. To set eyes on Geeta, you need to attain a certain maturity in life where you can consume all the pure knowledge. The book comes to your rescue on its own. It finds you when you are ready.

3. You can read any verse and any chapter and still make sense of it both in the general  way(internalizing/localizing to self) and how Arjuna can consume it(globalizing the learning)

4. The beauty of the book is such that any of the 700 verses can be related to any realm you live in. That's why its imperative to read it again and again so that you can relate to different contexts and sojourn towards self discovery

5. You can find answers to all your life's questions and confusions in Geeta. When you relate your being with Geeta, it gives you exactly what you are looking for. First - building trust on Krishna and then surrendering self to that trust are the ultimate bliss one can yearn for.

6. There is presumption that reading Geeta brings Vyraagya. This is absolute untruth.

7. After installation of this book, for sure it changes the EVERY way the human OS works - and for good. 

Becoming - Michelle Obama

This is the autobiography of one of the most powerful women - Michelle Obama. Her life is an account to send the message that one needs to be deliberately happy and have positive outlook on life. 

Michelle Obama spent her child hood in a racially mixed middle class neighborhood. She was thriving since the very beginning. She learnt the different perspectives on life from her great family. Her aunt thought her the sense of devotion through piano lessons and cheerful grand father taught her to cheer regardless of the circumstances. Her father always showed her the brighter side to life helping her to learn the long lasting habit of blocking bad/negative news. Her mother helped her build confidence and courage to make decisions. Her brother Craig was one she admired most for his ease and flexibility of relating to everyone. 

She went to Whitney High school which was 90 minutes away commuting in 2 different city bus routes. She overcame her fears of the new school and built her confidence back. She managed to avoid her doubts and gradually grew fearless. She realized it was safe to be smart. She never relented in standing up to anyone who tried to oppress her. 

As she completed studying law in Harvard law school, she learnt to care less of what people think of her and started focusing on building cordial relationship with her colleagues at work. She met Barack Obama in the law firm - "Sidley and Austin". She was impressed by his poise self assuredness, warm demeanor, unconventional and weirdly elegant aura. 

Later she realized that being a lawyer is not her passion even though she topped in her work. She married Barack Obama and took an offer in job at the city hall in Chicago. Michelle supported Barack through his political career. After Barack's tenure as president, Michelle stated that they were ordinary people who found themselves in extraordinary journey due to their constant drive to succeed. 

Michelle imbibed the spirit of being better than who she was yesterday, worked on her goals, all through enjoyed the journey with no fear of past, present or future. 

Dark - Netflix series

Its been a while that I finished watching this series and I am still assimilating thoughts of it while watching, rewatching, making note of things I watched and going through the notes. 

Seriously this is 10000ft above the normal time travel movies/series made in my time line. The editing and cinematography is so awesome that when we rewatch and read between the lines is when we actually understand the intensity of it. I am reading Bhagavat geeta on the side lines and both these make an emotional, spiritual and psychological stir up. Its one mind hunting, brain blasting series that made me appreciate time, space, nature and human bonding. 

Here is the starting lines in the trailer that drew me towards it - "We trust, time is linear, that it is proceeds eternally and uniformly. In to infinity. But the distinction between past, present and future is nothing but an illusion. Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow are not consecutive, they are connected in a never ending circle. Everything is connected" 

The episodes are full of liners like these and I have written down lots of them. If you are looking for quotes, there are n number of sites that will give that exactly.  

Some of the ideas/thoughts/lessons that I concluded from the series are 

1. The world we believe in is an illusion - it Does not exist. The people we have imagined to have loved do not exist. Ulrick, Jonas, Mikkel, Martha, Claudia do not exist. 

2. We cannot undo things that are destined to happen no matter how much we time travel back and forth. No matter what circus we do to change things, they cannot be changed. 

3. Above all, human bonds remain of paramount importance and one cannot do away with the love one has for other. Love can sustain even in the alternate universes and across time zones. 

4. Curiosity has same effect as loving someone - Both drive you to do any extreme. 

5. Life scars you with its perturbations. But at the same time, gives you strength to do what is right. 

6. Whatever you are up against(or for), only you can do it by your self (alone)

6. (After thought) - Will you ever know what is "Right" - to do right? Good and evil are a question of perspective. (Answers in Geeta)

Plot : Its complex. Read the wikipedia maps to aid your understanding. If you get hold of it, focus on the scenes and try comprehending why one is after the other. Season 1 is a good visual experience but Season 2 and 3 are simply there to set the stage(especially the first 4 of season 3) for the finale. At times, the directors just want to confuse you with unnecessary gyaan (with bootstrap paradox and time travel related paradoxes). But all in all, one good series in recent times with a well satisfactory ending. 

Some cheat sheets here too to help you remember. 

Me - Elton John

"Me" is a book on how never giving up on self can help one and all despite the situations and circumstances. Its the autobiography of Elton John - the don of rock and roll music. 

Elton John grew up in an emotionally draining and hostile environment which had long term effects on his adulthood. He was heavily influenced by the behaviors and nuances of those he grew up around - his father, mother and siblings. His father was a member of RAF and mother was a milkmaid during WW2. Elton grew up with his father hardly being around and when he was around, he was known to impose hars and stringent laws that would end up alienating Elton. Mother was borderline psychotic and enjoyed tormenting Elton as a boy. When both his parents were around, it was war - full frontal assault and cold deafening silence. Elton though had a friendly relationship with his grand mother. He lacked the feeling of family which had huge impact on his adulthood family life. No real guidance, no real affection or care, he simply floated in and out of fantasies that kept him grounded and hopeful for a better life leaving him detached from reality. 

A big amount of adults find themselves stuck, unsure of their worth and questioning their place in the world they've prepared whole lives to be part of. This emptiness, ever present and ever growing is a result f a longing for an identity that they've been robbed of growing up. Elton was no exception. 

He would find himself trapped in the cycle of  addiction and self loathing. Elton saw a sudden raise in the fame and eventually sought solace in cocaine, alcohol and extravagant parties. He was soothing an ache only he understood. He thought he was successful and famous and he won the battle but fame only brought him more loneliness and emptiness. 

Also, there was this glaring revelation about his sexuality. When Elton was growing up, he never realized he was gay. He married a woman without this knowledge and later divorced causing much pain to both the partners. He was clinically depressed and had suicidal tendencies several times. He questioned every bit of his existence and his achievements. He suffered from impostor syndrome too sometimes. 

Later he found his support group with people who saw him struggle and offered to help. Hugh Williams - his boyfriend also checked in to the same rehab as was Elton. Years later, Elton fought through the moment of darkness and came out the other end the massive success he is today. Bernie Taupin a friend with whom Elton wrote music influenced him. He finally stopped listening to voices in his head and started listening to the voices outside. 

Now reading the biography and knowing more about Elton, his songs sound a different tune to me. 

My journey with Bhagavat Geeta - Chapter 1 - Arjunavishaadayogah (Praakruthakaarunyayoga)

I started my journey of self discovery and non duality over the last few months by going through the book - ಜೀವನಧರ್ಮಯೋಗ by DVG which is the ಭಾಗವಥಗೀತ ತಾತ್ಪರ್ಯ . I've tried to document my experience here. 

(Prerequisite to learn Geeta- One needs to know the Whos who of Mahabharatha - Not just whats available in the popular culture but also the hidden and lesser known relationships between characters, who strikes what kind of chord to whom, the events, the triggers for the events and the aftermath and the impact of the events performed by certain people. One needs to unlearn the sequence of Mahabharatha and take one page at a time and explore all the varieties of possibilities. One needs to be open minded and apply practicality and see the events in today's realistic terms. 

If we understand bits and pieces of The great Upanishads and Veda, the experience can be more fulfilling. Also there are several references to other great epics of Indian mythology like Ramayana, Garuda Purana, Vishnu Purana,  Shiva charita etc.. If we know general ideologies of these, the meaning of Bhagavath Geeta becomes profound) 

The first chapter is mostly about Arjuna being a cry baby on why should he wage war and kill his loved ones.

The verses start with Drutaraastra asking Sanjaya as to what is happening on the battlefield. 

Sanjaya explains the battlefield scene as 

1. Duryodhana is saying to Bheeshma that our army is not comparable to the army that's under Bheema's leadership and that everyone in Kaurava side should guard Bheeshma. 

2. Duryodhana thinks that Bheeshma is old and cannot perform the duties of leading the kaurava army as he also has favoritism towards the pandu putras. Hence he seeks the favor of Dronacharya. 

3. Both armies start the sounds of conchshells, drums, bugles, trumpets and horns. 

4. Arjuna seeks Krishna to take him to the center of the battlefield to examine who all he is up against

Arjuna asks questions like 

1. Why do I have to wage the war and kill my most loved uncles, grand fathers, great grand fathers, family and friends?

2. What joy or pride I get by killing them?

3. What is a life or power when they do not exist to witness it?

4. Why should there be so much of bloodshed of not just my family and friends but the innocent soldiers and people of kingdoms when they dont even understand whose side they are standing - dharma or adharma?

5. If I kill so many innocent people, will I be not sinned? 

Key takeaways - 

Breaking the status quo. 

The above questions are also the questions for us to understand why should we break the status quo, why should the moment of rest(or comfort zone) be broken down to bring in action? Why cannot we just live the way we are living right now? What does Dharma seek of us? 

What is empathy?

Like anger, Love and empathy are also kinds of manovikaara - the simple variations of mind(which oftentimes can be a good variation in certain situations). That being the case, embracing empathy towards the loved ones is simply trying to entertain the mind with variety. 

ವಿಚಾರವಿಲ್ಲದ ಕರುಣೆ ವ್ಯಾಮೋಹ ; ಅದೇ ಪಕ್ಷಪಾತ ; ಅದೇ ಬ್ರಾಂತಿದೃಷ್ಟಿ ; ಅದೇ ಕಂಟಕ 

About the impulsive responses. 

ಸುಮ್ಮನೆ moment of impulse ಇರಬಾರದು. ಅದು ನಂಬಿಕೆಗೆ ಸಾಲದು. ಅದರ ಜೊತೆಗೆ ವಿಷಯ ವಿಮರ್ಶನೆ ಸೇರಿ ಅದರಲ್ಲಿಯ ಅಶುದ್ಧತೆಗಳನ್ನು ಕಳೆಯಬೇಕು. ಹಾಗೆ ವಿವೇಕಸಿದ್ಧವಾದ ಮನಃಪ್ರಚಲನೆ ಕಾರ್ಯರ್ಹವಾಗುತ್ತದೆ. 

 

Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen

The last few weeks have been awkwardly slow, eventless and tiring. I picked up this book to get lost in my own self. It only made my grief bigger.

Its the book about Elinor and Marianne - Two Dashwood sisters - left to save their vanity after their father's death. Its set in 17th century in England. The book is a great deal of "conduct lessons" for young women and mankind if not less.

Elinor is full of sense - wisdom, good judgement and realistic thinking. Marianne is full of sensibility - emotional, sensible and living in goodwill dreamland. The book is a depiction of behavioural paradigm of these two characters. One has everything concealed and the other has nothing to conceal.

The story of the book is about how the Elinor and Marianne deal with situations when they become destitute by their father's death, finding a place to live when they are asked to leave the Norland farm, finding love in Edward Ferrars and John Willoughby respectively and dealing with Brandon, heart breaks, Edward Ferrars secret engagement to Lucy Steele, Lucy affinity to Robert Ferrars, Fanny's contentious treatment, avarice sense of John Dashwood, Willoughby's deception, London visit, Edward's apologies, being ill to the state of death, the recovery from death bed, Brandon's love for Marianne and finally making up the decision to marry.

The journey is drastic and dramatic with each twist having a twitch in the readers tummy. The sense and sensibilities of the characters is life inspiring and a clearly defines what to do and what not to do. Thats why I think it stayed as the "Conduct lessons" for so many years in the history. The journey is also the depiction of socio economic conditions in the evolution time period of mankind where "Family" hood was at epitome. All through what is professed is that its not about woman or man - one has to uphold the respect for self.

The language was a bit strange to me at first but you get accustomed to it after say 50 pages. It took more than 4 weeks to read. But after those four weeks I felt like a different person altogether. Some of the best quotes in the book are -

“She was stronger alone…”

“Know your own happiness. You want nothing but patience- or give it a more fascinating name, call it hope.”

“To wish was to hope, and to hope was to expect…”

“Sometimes one is guided by what they say of themselves, and very frequently by what other people say of them, without giving oneself time to deliberate and judge.”

“Life could do nothing for her, beyond giving time for a better preparation for death.”

“It is not what we think or feel that makes us who we are. It is what we do. Or fail to do.”

“A man who has nothing to do with his own time has no conscience in his intrusion on that of others.”

“I never wish to offend, but I am so foolishly shy, that I often seem negligent, when I am only kept back by my natural awkwardness. [...] Shyness is only the effect of a sense of inferiority in some way or other. If I could persuade myself that my manners were perfectly easy and graceful, I should not be shy.”

“She was without any power, because she was without any desire of command over herself.”

“Marianne Dashwood was born to an extraordinary fate. She was born to discover the falsehood of her own opinions, and to counteract, by her conduct, her most favourite maxims.”

“I can feel no sentiment of approbation inferior to love.”

“Mine is a misery which nothing can do away.”

“Sometimes I have kept my feelings to myself, because I could find no language to describe them in but what was worn and hackneyed out of all sense and meaning.”

Demise?

Since the office shifted to a new place, its been an emotional commute for me each day. I have to pass through narrow lanes and slums and the sight of people and children and their helplessness is a big deal of a thing to me.

More than the suffering of these children, I get to go around city's 3 major hospitals and the sight over there is further more heart rending. There are sick children, growth retarded, mentally ill, accident victims, ill infants being carried in tiny pouches and what not. When I look in to their eyes and the eyes of people surrounding them, I find hollowness, submission, despair, dejection, pain, hope for betterment, faith, good will, trust, assurance, reliance and confidence. To take so many visuals at once for me is not a thing of ease.

Today morning, I think there was a death of someone I dont know in the last hospital. There were grieving people but the grief had turned violent. They were bawling on the road. I did not dare to stop by to understand the reason - for I know that pain too well.

When in a calm posture now, I ask whether I fear death? I do..

DVG's lines follow.

ಬದುಕು ಜಟಕಾಬಂಡಿ,
ವಿಧಿ ಅದರ ಸಾಹೇಬ,
ಕುದುರೆ ನೀನ್,
ಅವನು ಪೇಳ್ದಂತೆ ಪಯಣಿಗರು.
ಮದುವೆಗೋ ಮಸಣಕೋ ಹೋಗೆಂದಕಡೆಗೋಡು
ಪದ ಕುಸಿಯೆ ನೆಲವಿಹುದು ಮಂಕುತಿಮ್ಮ

Finding the odd man out

This is an old game you and I are used to playing when we were all kids. This is the way to teach children to identify what is different in a set of given items or people. This helps develop children the instinct to identify anything that is not normal.

That said, I find this game such an  absurd. I have learnt to respect people for all what they are regardless of color, race, gender, vernacular background, the upbringing, cultural varieties, social, financial, political prospects, God believing, aethist, sexual orientations, environmental views, career orientation, age, physical and philosophical histories. This has come a hard way to me no matter how much my parents thought me to prefer something over other because I relate to it easily. 

I profess the same thing to my growing child and to find an odd man out in the given set of people is simply no way forward. In my thoughts, there is not a single Man who is odd on the face of earth. Everyone is different and they all come with their own individuality. You may call me narcissist. It does not matter...but everyone deserves respect by the virtue of simply being human. 

Finding the odd man out should be most contextual based like a person who is oblivious to what is happening in a meeting room or should be played with numbers like multiples of 4 accompanied with a 5. Hope the world finds more meaningful games for children to play. 

#sundaynightthoughts